Zoe's Life Would Be Perfect if Nobody Sneezed, Burped, Coughed or Cried!

Today Zoe and I stayed inside.  It's nice not to have to take her to a doctor, evaluation or therapy session.  We have been working on potty training.  Potty training is an arduous task for most moms and toddlers.  Potty training a 3 year old with Asperger's is more difficult than sitting through a new episode of Mob Wives.  My next blog post will focus on what I like to call, "The Perils of the Potty."

Today we also worked on sneezing.

One of the components of Asperger's that is the toughest for me to deal with is the predictability.  Zoe makes everything predictable.  She will talk out loud about what she will do before she does it, so when she does it, there are no surprises.  She follows her routines so she feels comfortable in her skin.  Unfortunately, there is only so much I can do.  I can tell her her schedule beforehand, but things happen that even I can't predict OR stop.  

Most toddlers will throw tantrums if they can't watch t.v. or have a piece of candy.  My daughter goes from happy go lucky to extreme stress and anxiety if someone sneezes, burps, yawns, coughs or cries.  Why?  These things are unpredictable.   

She is in an art class and a little girl was coughing a lot and Zoe could not focus or function.  She began to cry and call for me.  The sad thing is as soon as I heard the girl cough, I cringed knowing how Zoe would react.

Sometimes when someone with us sneezes I get mad at them.  HAHA!  How dare they?  I would even stop myself from sneezing to avoid getting her upset.  Then I realized the harm I was doing.  So now I pretend to sneeze ALL the time.  Of course Zoe has tried to make this predictable.  She asks me why I sneeze so I told her from dusting.  So now whenever I dust she is okay with me sneezing.  She is a smart little girl.

So today I had her toys and stuffed animals sneeze.  She was very alarmed and stressed, but she did great.  I was very proud of her.  Crazy the things I am proud of.  Most moms take so much for granted.  Today Zoe didn't cry when her favorite stuffed animal cat sneezed unexpectedly.  AHHH CHOOO!  :)

Asperger's Law - You Can Only Eat Nuggets and Fries at McDonalds

I like order and routine.  Who doesn't?  I like to plan things out ahead of time.  I make lists and even have a planner.  Sometimes, I even have planner for my planner (think about this).  When I go out I like to eat my favorite menu choices at my favorite restaurants (nothing fancy here...I'm referring to a number 1 at the McDonalds drive thru).  I guess you can say I am extremely organized, routine oriented and predictable.  This is NOTHING compared to my 3 year old daughter.

One component of Asperger's is the STRICT routine following and predictability.  Now, lots of toddlers are like this but Aspies make EVERYTHING a routine and predictable.  It's also the way an Aspie reacts to a change or deviation from the routine that sets them apart (stress, anxiety = tantrum).

The way it works with Zoe.  The first time you go somewhere, it goes pretty well.  She takes it all in and processes all the new information.  The SECOND time you go to that place, she expects it to be the same exact way.  If anything is different she tells me.  And I mean ANYTHING.  Today at dance she wanted them to shut off the ceiling fan because the last time she was there the fan was off (I would have never noticed that.)  She gets extremely stressed and agitated and has a hard time participating if there is a difference.  Once they shut it off, she was fine. 

We go to the zoo every week.  Once we get there she goes in the same door, exits the same door, eats the same snack at the same bench, sees the animals in the same order, eats lunch at the same table and says good-bye to all the animals in the same exact order.  I never have to worry about her getting lost because I know her routine and know exactly where she would be.  My job is to try and switch it up and try I do.  It took about a month, but a few weeks ago, we finally went in a different door.  :)

She immediately notices a slight change in anything.  She has a photographic memory and questions any change in the picture she took in her head.  Therefore, she has to be prepared for everything beforehand.   I give Zoe her itinerary every afternoon for the following day and I repeat it several times before she goes to sleep.  I just made her tomorrow predictable and comfortable.   Sometimes I feel like Jay Z's assistant except I don't get paid or get to hang out at the 40/40 club with Beyonce.

A few weeks ago, we went to Applebees for dinner.  She did great.  She ate the food and dessert.  It was new to her so she took it all in.  Last week, we went there for lunch.  Uh Oh!  The problem started as soon as we sat down at a different table than the first time.  She became very stressed.  I asked her what she wanted for lunch?  Oops!!! "You don't eat lunch at Applebees, only dinner."  Now of course I explain to her that she can eat lunch and dinner there.  But it's too late.  She was not going to eat "dinner foods" for lunch.  We left.

We were at a party over the weekend.  Usually I pack food for her because she usually wont eat something that is not predictable.   I made the mistake of thinking she would be fine.  They had nuggets and french fries.  "You only eat those at McDonalds."  So of course I told her they were from McDonalds, but I knew it was a lost cause.

I often wonder what will happen when she is older and her boyfriend wants to propose.  For his sake, I hope he tells her the day before ;)

Asperger's and a 3 Year Old - Haircuts and Therapy Galore

As I write, Celebrity Rehab is on.  I guess it could be worse.  Amy Fisher looks good though.  

Okay anyway, today was stressful.  Why?  Zoe was about to get her first haircut.  I guess most parents view the monthly trip to the mall for a toddler haircut as burdensome.  NOT ME!  I've been waiting for this for 3 years.  I could not take Zoe to the mall though.  She has sensory integration difficulties.  For her, she gets uncomfortable in large spaces and high places (no slides or swings for her).   She is off balance and does not like her head touched or tilted.  So I figured it would be best to have someone come to the house.   But you never know.  Of course she was perfect and everything went smoothly.  I finally got a lock of hair to put away for safe keeping :)

She is in Occupational Therapy for the sensory difficulties.  She gets to play in a huge playroom.  This place is "da bomb."  Ball pits, monkey bars, tunnels, swings, pillow castles, sand boxes, rocking horses and dance music.  I get jealous sometimes.  I want to go in the ball pit.  Oh well.  Last week she went on the swing.  She was petrified, but she did it!  :)

Today was a good day, until I went and picked up her physical therapy evaluation.  Reading three pages worth of concerns and low scores remind me of when I was a teacher scoring the English Regents.  Not fun at all.  So now she will start physical therapy to help her get around better in this world.  The evaluator told me, "She will never play sports but she will be smart."  Excuse fucking me.  Last week she did 2 somersaults in dance and the "normal" girls were too scared.  Kiss my ass!  

On my way back, we passed a playground.  I looked at it and watched the kids play.  Then I realized how dangerous it looked.  I smiled, at least I don't have to stress and worry about that!

My Daughter Has Asperger's Syndrome

When I first started this blog in March, I had a certain direction in mind.  I wanted to talk about the trials of motherhood and.....the Yankees.  Times have changed.  It was five months ago, the evaluations began and it was this morning that the diagnosis was finally given.  Now I feel like I can write again.  Brace yourself. 

So my daughter has Asperger's.  It's an autism spectrum disorder.  Yeah I know what you're thinking...Rainman.   Don't feel bad, I have thought that too.  My pop culture mind thinks fish sticks and Wapner.  But worst of all....Tom Cruise....and this irritates me more than anything.  And no, that is not what she has.  I will not get into the the science behind all of this so allow me to sum it up for you.  My daughter is intellectually gifted, does not like people her own age, likes things to be a certain way, follows a strict routine, doesn't like answering your questions and hates crowds.  So basically.....we ALL have a little Asperger's (I'm definitely intellectually gifted).

Someone told me to watch the show Parenthood because there is a storyline about this.  Seriously???  Isn't Minka Kelly on that show.  She dates my boyfriend, Derek Jeter.  Until they break up (which should be soon)... no thanks. Someone else told me to read Curt Schilling's (former pitcher for the Boston Red Sox) book about raising his son with Asperger's.  2004....bloody sock...Yankees lose.  NO THANK YOU!  

Now I have no desire to get into what my day is like and the severity of what I deal with.  It's stressful, exhausting, emotionally painful and heartbreaking... BUT....Bill Gates and the dude who invented Facebook (no, not the Justin Timberlake one) probably have Asperger's.  In other words, my daughter will invent something and make me a shitload of money.  No need for sympathy. 
 
So the point of this entry....to apologize out loud to anyone I have ever bullied or made fun of for being different.   My eyes are open and maybe with my blog, I can open some others.  That and talk about the Yankees because I am really worried about their pitching.




 

The Diet Secrets of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

Everyone around me seems to be on some form of diet.  My husband is running on a daily basis.  He is also eating healthier and the pounds are dropping off.  This doesn't sound too bad.  I add a 1/2 pound of butter to everything I cook for him, just to make myself feel better (joking....maybe.)  My mother has joined Weight Watchers.  She is counting points (no I do not care how many points everything I eat is) and going for long walks on a daily basis.  The pounds are dropping off.  Then there is my best friend who is on a 10 day juice cleanse.  Let me say that again....a 10 day juice cleanse.  For 10 days and $600 dollars she drinks juice concoctions every 2 hours.   It "cleans her out."  So does a few cups of coffee and laps around the block.  That only costs $3.52.  What will happen to her when she eats solid food after said 10 days?  That story will definitely be blog worthy.  There are so many diets out there.  All cost money, involve meetings, require gym memberships or some kind of workout.

So today I found myself looking in the mirror and stepping on the scale.  I was afraid....very afraid.  But oh what did I discover....I lost 5 pounds in the last few months.  I was thrilllllllllllled to say the least.  So I sat and wrote down how I did it.  I want to help others in their weight loss as well.  I will share with you my secrets....right now.


8:00 - Cup of Coffee.  No need for any artificial sweetener.  Add french vanilla creamer and 4 sugars.

10:30 - Cup of Coffee.  Add french vanilla creamer and 4 sugars.  If you want to add more...go for it!

12:00 - Medium Iced Caramel Latte with an Extra Shot of Espresso (with whole milk and sugar, if needed) topped with whip cream.  Now, if by the time you get it home the whip cream has disappeared, make sure you have a can in your refrigerator and just re-apply.

(For all you juice cleansers...at this point of the day you will be "cleaned out"...at a fraction of the price.)

3:00 - Any sugar candy of your choice.  I prefer Laffy Taffy or Air Heads.  I read somewhere that you burn calories chewing, so these two are great diet candies.

4:00 - A cup of iced coffee that you prepared in the morning and has been waiting for you in the refrigerator.  Add french vanilla creamer and 4 sugars.  If you want to add more...go for it!

7:00 - Dinnertime.  Whatever you feel like having and however much you want of it.

9:00 - Dessert time.  My favorite is a pint of Ben and Jerrys.  The ice cream is harder than Breyers or Turkey Hill.  It takes more energy and time to eat.  More energy = more calories burned.  Longer time to eat = less guilt.


Some additional pointers:

• You can drink any beverage you would like throughout the day.  I don't drink soda though....its too unhealthy.

• Try not to eat dinner or dessert before 7:00 p.m.  My diet works best if you eat your dinner really fast and immediately follow it with your dessert.  As soon as you are done with dessert, brush your teeth and go to bed.  This is the best way to ensure all your food intake for the day gets stored as "energy" for the following morning.

• Throughout diet, you made need a prescription for Nexium, in addition to some Maalox.

Observations at a Playground

Now that the weather is improving (at least it was) I am able to bring my 3 year old back to the toddler equivalent of happy hour....the playground.  Not just any playground...a Staten Island playground.  And you know what that means...orange skin, gold chains (on necks and wrists), wife beater t-shirts, abundance of gel and hairspray in hair, construction boots, glittered shirts, pants, hats and shoes.   I am talking about the toddlers.  If the 3/4 year olds look this way (close your eyes) and picture their moms.  Now read by blog post from 3 days ago titled, The Fashion of a Mother (or lack thereof).  Need I say more.

(On a side note, as I write this, I am watching Dancing With the Stars and ummm yeah Wendy Williams just started dancing...I'll be back...(10 seconds later)...that is a train wreck even I can't watch.)

Okay, back to the playground.  I will not be writing about the behavior of the toddlers (just think of the kids you see on Super Nanny...before the Nanny arrives).  Instead, let's focus on the moms.  The following are the exact words I heard come out of their mouths:

• "I have to leave because my daughter is being retarded."
• "I let her eat chocolate and cookies a few times a day.  If you don't, when they are teenagers, they will binge eat and become bulimic."
• "He only bites kids he doesn't like."
• "What's the point of him brushing his teeth now, they are just falling out in a few years anyway."

 My daughter may love the playground because of the slides and monkey bars.  I love it because after I leave, I feel like the best mom in the the world (well at least Staten Island).

When You Love Sports But Hate Basketball

I watched basketball three times over the last decade.  For me, this was more than enough. Here they are, in order:

• I went to a Knicks game.  The year was 2001.  A lawyer I worked with asked me to go.  It was my first day on the job (as my previous post explained, this was one of the times I looked good.)  Now I know what you are thinking...don't shit where you eat.   But this was a Knicks game at Madison Square Garden...so the rule was allowed to be broken.  Our seats sucked.  I went home right after (I'm a lot of things but easy ain't one of them, especially when you sit in the nosebleed section). 

• TNT's coverage of Lebron James and the Heat against the Cleveland Cavaliers. "Akron Hates You" was the climax of the evening.  

• Carmelo Anthony's first game with the Knicks.  I AM a New Yorker so I HAD to.  If I hear Diddy's song "Coming Home" one more time I may just buy me a Knicks jersey!

Not even my love for Craig Sager and his dapper attire could force my fingers to type into my remote TNT on Thursday nights.

On a side note, there is not the right word in the English dictionary to describe my euphoria when Sager was part of the team that covered the Yankees during the ALDS and ALCS.  Say what you want about the idiocy of Smoltz and Johnson (Darling was on the 1986 Mets, so I can never say anything bad about him) Sager's presence was stellar.  Whether reporting on a controversial umpire call or accurately describing what some players ate for lunch; his coverage was always...in depth.  I attended Game 3 of the ALDS at Yankee Stadium and my seats where in the 400 section, but you know what I saw on the field?  That's right...Craig Sager and his suit. 

(If you have no idea who I am referring to, please google him.  You won't be disappointed.)

Back to the point of this blog entry.  As I anxiously await the beginning of baseball season, I find myself in a state of utter disgust and horror.  WHY???  My twitter timeline, Sportscenter, sportsradio shows, 3 or 4 or 100 television channels are all about basketball.  No not the NBA, but COLLEGE basketball.. COME ON MAN!!! 

I could care less about the mid-west, let alone their college basketball programs.  I asked friends who have never watched a college basketball game why they are filling out these "brackets."  "Football is over and baseball has not started."

Desperate times call for desperate measures.  Even I am not desperate enough.