The Diet Secrets of a Stay-At-Home-Mom

Everyone around me seems to be on some form of diet.  My husband is running on a daily basis.  He is also eating healthier and the pounds are dropping off.  This doesn't sound too bad.  I add a 1/2 pound of butter to everything I cook for him, just to make myself feel better (joking....maybe.)  My mother has joined Weight Watchers.  She is counting points (no I do not care how many points everything I eat is) and going for long walks on a daily basis.  The pounds are dropping off.  Then there is my best friend who is on a 10 day juice cleanse.  Let me say that again....a 10 day juice cleanse.  For 10 days and $600 dollars she drinks juice concoctions every 2 hours.   It "cleans her out."  So does a few cups of coffee and laps around the block.  That only costs $3.52.  What will happen to her when she eats solid food after said 10 days?  That story will definitely be blog worthy.  There are so many diets out there.  All cost money, involve meetings, require gym memberships or some kind of workout.

So today I found myself looking in the mirror and stepping on the scale.  I was afraid....very afraid.  But oh what did I discover....I lost 5 pounds in the last few months.  I was thrilllllllllllled to say the least.  So I sat and wrote down how I did it.  I want to help others in their weight loss as well.  I will share with you my secrets....right now.


8:00 - Cup of Coffee.  No need for any artificial sweetener.  Add french vanilla creamer and 4 sugars.

10:30 - Cup of Coffee.  Add french vanilla creamer and 4 sugars.  If you want to add more...go for it!

12:00 - Medium Iced Caramel Latte with an Extra Shot of Espresso (with whole milk and sugar, if needed) topped with whip cream.  Now, if by the time you get it home the whip cream has disappeared, make sure you have a can in your refrigerator and just re-apply.

(For all you juice cleansers...at this point of the day you will be "cleaned out"...at a fraction of the price.)

3:00 - Any sugar candy of your choice.  I prefer Laffy Taffy or Air Heads.  I read somewhere that you burn calories chewing, so these two are great diet candies.

4:00 - A cup of iced coffee that you prepared in the morning and has been waiting for you in the refrigerator.  Add french vanilla creamer and 4 sugars.  If you want to add more...go for it!

7:00 - Dinnertime.  Whatever you feel like having and however much you want of it.

9:00 - Dessert time.  My favorite is a pint of Ben and Jerrys.  The ice cream is harder than Breyers or Turkey Hill.  It takes more energy and time to eat.  More energy = more calories burned.  Longer time to eat = less guilt.


Some additional pointers:

• You can drink any beverage you would like throughout the day.  I don't drink soda though....its too unhealthy.

• Try not to eat dinner or dessert before 7:00 p.m.  My diet works best if you eat your dinner really fast and immediately follow it with your dessert.  As soon as you are done with dessert, brush your teeth and go to bed.  This is the best way to ensure all your food intake for the day gets stored as "energy" for the following morning.

• Throughout diet, you made need a prescription for Nexium, in addition to some Maalox.

Observations at a Playground

Now that the weather is improving (at least it was) I am able to bring my 3 year old back to the toddler equivalent of happy hour....the playground.  Not just any playground...a Staten Island playground.  And you know what that means...orange skin, gold chains (on necks and wrists), wife beater t-shirts, abundance of gel and hairspray in hair, construction boots, glittered shirts, pants, hats and shoes.   I am talking about the toddlers.  If the 3/4 year olds look this way (close your eyes) and picture their moms.  Now read by blog post from 3 days ago titled, The Fashion of a Mother (or lack thereof).  Need I say more.

(On a side note, as I write this, I am watching Dancing With the Stars and ummm yeah Wendy Williams just started dancing...I'll be back...(10 seconds later)...that is a train wreck even I can't watch.)

Okay, back to the playground.  I will not be writing about the behavior of the toddlers (just think of the kids you see on Super Nanny...before the Nanny arrives).  Instead, let's focus on the moms.  The following are the exact words I heard come out of their mouths:

• "I have to leave because my daughter is being retarded."
• "I let her eat chocolate and cookies a few times a day.  If you don't, when they are teenagers, they will binge eat and become bulimic."
• "He only bites kids he doesn't like."
• "What's the point of him brushing his teeth now, they are just falling out in a few years anyway."

 My daughter may love the playground because of the slides and monkey bars.  I love it because after I leave, I feel like the best mom in the the world (well at least Staten Island).