Sesame Street Through the Eyes of a Reality TV Obsessed Cynical Mom

My daughter is 3 and I am unable to watch "my TV shows" because I do not want her exposed to "reality."  I wait patiently until she is asleep and then I watch one of the following:

• Survivor (Boston Rob is back).
• Jersey Shore (I am from Staten Island, so it's the culture).
• Basketball Wives (even though no one is currently or ever was married to a   basketball player - later blog entry to follow concerning this).
• Million Dollar Listing - Nothing like seeing million dollar homes to make you realize where you went wrong in life.
• American Idol - I like train wrecks.
• Celebrity Apprentice - 2 words ---- Gary Busey.
• Dancing with the Stars - I AM a mom now....its better than Oprah (right?)
• Celebrity Rehab - Dr. Drew is sexy, isn't he?  (On a serious note, I was devastated upon hearing that Mike Starr died from his addictions.)
• Hell's Kitchen - I hate going in kitchens, so I watch them on TV.

Those are the ones I currently DVR.  It changes from season to season.  I still consider myself more sophisticated than anyone who watches any variation of The Real Housewives of________. 

With my taste in television, is it wrong to criticize those who watch Glee?  

So with the above-referenced in mind; I watch Sesame Street with my 3 year old.  I realize that "my reality" isn't too far removed from hers. 

                                         Sesame Street

This is the true story...of muppets...picked to live on a street...play together and have their lives taped...to find out what happens...when muppets stop being polite...and start getting real...Sesame Street


Big Bird - Dependency issues.  He is over 30, needs to leave the "nest." Possible reality show:  For the Love of New York 4. 

Cookie Monster - As Family Guy brilliantly portrayed, he has an addiction problem.  His addiction is in his name, for crying out loud.  Possible reality show:  Intervention/Celebrity Rehab.

Grover - Excuse me, Super Grover.  I can wear a cape and change my name to Super Jessica, doesn't mean it's true.  Identity issues.  Possible reality show: Rupaul's Drag Race.

Oscar - I don't like to refer to him as grouch; maybe moody, maybe depressed, maybe bi- polar....maybe #winning.  I would be this way too if I lived in a trash can.  Possible reality show:  Hoarders.  Let's be honest, there is stuff in there from 1975.



Bert and Ernie - What may have started out as a homage to the Odd Couple has turned into a loving homosexual relationship.  They both do not feel comfortable about this (hence the separate beds).  They should be proud and come out.  It's obvious.  Possible reality show: LOGO anything/Real World/Amazing Race (nothing brings lovers closer together than not sleeping and running around the world with one suitcase).

Elmo/Zoe/Abby - Zoe is a little ballerina.  She is the star and the apple of Elmo's eye.....that is until Abby moves to the block with her "special dust" and wands.  "Black Swan" anyone?  Then Zoe disappears for a whole season and Abby has "sleepovers" with every muppet on the block.  Oh no she didn't!!!  Possible reality show:  TOO MANY TO NAME!

Snuffaluffagus...Snuff for short....and I'll leave it at that.

The Count - Dave Chappelle once did a joke about the Count being a pimp (with the cape and obsession with counting his money).  With that in mind, I give you the following (this really happened):  Abby learns how to count to 10 which excites her tremendously.  The Count responds, "You never forget your first time."  and then winks.  Possible reality show:  Love & Hip Hop.


Lesson - If you are a parent that does not let your children watch TV or waits until after they are 3....I get it!

Maybe tomorrow I will break down the perverse world of Sid the Science Kid.......